#126 Musings Beyond the Bunker (Wednesday August 25)
Good morning!
Lying is bad, right?
Of course it is. We are taught that it is always best to tell the truth. And yet, sometimes we tell little lies because it keeps the social wheels moving, spares feelings, and cause no harm.
Also, there are things about us—secrets—that we prefer to keep to ourselves. These secrets often are meaningless little secrets. Like I cheated on my diet and had a Sprinkles cupcake in the middle of the afternoon (actually, don’t tell Lauren…she thinks I consume too much sugar).
The Talmud suggests it is permitted to lie in (a) claiming not to know a part of Talmud, even if one does (this shows humility), (b) speaking of matters inside one’s own marriage, and (c) complimenting a host in praising their hospitality. It also is permissible to (and in fact required) lie about the beauty of a bride on her wedding day and to lie in order to save a person’s life (e.g., pointing the wrong way when asked by a person in pursuit of an innocent person).
We live in a world of little white lies because it preserves civil order, friendship, and common decency. And there are any number of small things about us that we may elect to keep from others. Here is an article from Time suggesting appropriate times to lie: https://time.com/5406989/when-better-to-lie-than-tell-truth/
We lie to allow society to function. We lie to spare feelings (“That pineapple upside-down case was delicious”). We lie to encourage self-esteem (“Johnny, that was a very good try”). We lie to minimize embarrassment or humiliation (“It’s okay that you had me waiting 30 minutes”). We lie to continue social interaction and communication (“Oh, I’m fine…” when actually, maybe I’m not). And we keep secrets—to cover up for a roommate or a friend, and to save social approbation of someone we care about.
Sometimes a “lie” is the omission to share personal information or experiences. Sometimes we may not want people to know where we were, whom we were with or what we did on Saturday night. Sometimes these omissions maintain fictions about ourselves or how we would choose society to see us.
We increasingly are living in an environment where there are no secrets and everything is public. If everything is reduced to a Tweet or a posting in real time, without the benefit of reflection or editing, when everything about us is public, doesn’t this detract from civility and affect our relationships and our community? Basically, isn’t it possible that, with the decline of secrecy and the elimination of little white lies, there is a correlated decline in kindness?
BREAKING NORMS IN SO MANY WAYS
I sometimes like to share articles that provide different ways to look at our current political and constitutional crises. Here’s a good one about some of the ways former President Trump “amended” the Constitution: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/02/five-trump-amendments-constitution/618097/
Just a thought.
Have a good day,
Glenn
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