Good morning,
THINKING ABOUT MEMORY
Memory is a strange thing. Some memories of events are like over-stuffed file folders, replete with minute details, while others feel like empty file cabinets, with just a vague recollection of what happened long ago.
I often find myself trying to recall events from the past and come up short on specifics. For instance, our family gathered nearly every evening for dinner when I was growing up (eventually not including Fridays and Saturdays when Gale and I were older…teenagers have their commitments!). I know that we sat around the dinner table, recalling which seat each of us occupied, and recalling the generic nature of the conversations. We covered the usual “what happened in school” and what books we were reading, recent sporting events, and the politics of the day. But I don’t remember any specific conversation. I do recall that we spent a lot of time on the space program, the Vietnam War, advances in medicine, and the repeated admonition not to do drugs. [SIDEBAR: The admonitions worked, as Gale and I represent the very distinct minority of our generation that never tried drugs, including weed. We would joke about being so “Type A” that our heads might blow off if we tried anything stronger than whiskey…!]
I remember that dinners often were interrupted by phone calls, my father reaching behind him to grab the phone on the wall (yes, there were such things “back then”). Sometimes it was a brief conversation. Sometimes, a worried mother would be instructed to meet at the emergency room. In those instances, my father would scarf down the remainder of his dinner and off he went to meet a patient—often returning in time to settle into a book or meet us for last part of Bonanza. Try as I might, I struggle to recall a specific moment that we discussed an issue or concern, but merely the fact that we did.
Curiously, I find myself remembering far more details about interactions with people I didn’t see every day. Also, I can remember many “big events” like vacations, or the time I gave my sister a black eye when I tried to demonstrate how to swing at a pitch, or the time my sister broke her leg. But memories about the quotidian—the ordinary events of the day—tend to merge into a gestalt impression of that period.
REMEMBERING OTHERS MORE READILY
Every once in a while, I can fill in the blanks for a friend when recalling their past. Similarly, they often can recall experiences from the past that I may not recall. Memory, it would seem, accentuates things that are out of the ordinary or from less frequent encounters, while grouping “ordinary” experiences into a generic category of impressions, rather than specifics.
My parents were characters—not in the sense of being weird—but in the sense of being colorful, honest, opinionated, and quotable. Friends from throughout my life will recall a detail of an interaction with them in excruciating detail, while I can only remember the whole, and not the parts. I love hearing these often detailed reminiscences, as they bring my parents back to life.
As much as we struggle to remember vignettes from our past, we tend to look to others to fill in the blanks. Perhaps it is part of our make-up that we are intended to be the keepers of the memories of friends we have made along the way.
Have a great day,
Glenn
Thanks for sharing Glenn! It brought back so many memories I have growing up with family dinners, playing outside until the street lights went out without a care in the world. My parents never worried about whether we were safe or not. I wish kids today could experience what we had as children - carefree, safety, etc.