Good morning,
WE ARE WHOM WE ARE IN THE EYES OF OTHERS
“Whenever someone who knows you disappears, you lose one version of yourself. Yourself as you were seen, as you were judged to be. Lover or enemy, mother or friend, those who know us construct us, and their several knowings slant the different facets of our characters like diamond-cutter's tools.”
-- Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet (1999)
I love this quotation because it encapsulates how I feel we understand and remember each other. We are slightly different in each version of ourselves, depending upon the observer. When we lose someone who knows the person we were at some point in our lives (including now), some aspect of ourselves is lost.
But losing a version of ourselves is not just caused by the death of someone to whom we are close. Everyone with whom we once were close will always carry a bit of ourselves with them. Life forces us to drift apart from some of these people. From time to time, many of us long to reconnect with these long-lost friends. Some say we attend reunions to catch-up with others, and that’s certainly part of it. But we attend as well to reconnect with different facets of ourselves from the past. In a way, we are each a living time capsule, keeping the flame of memory alive for each other.
A GREAT LIFE
I wrote the above before losing one of my dearest friends last month, after a friendship that spanned more than 40 years. It means even more now.
Mike Sfregola was one of the smartest, most noble and kindest people I have had the privilege of knowing. His passing was on his own terms after a brief bout with cancer. He lived a full life, raised a wonderful family, pursued a distinguished career, engaged in a variety of hobbies (including our shared skills in mediocre golf), made many friends, and traveled the world.
Mike was not downbeat about his condition, nor did he stop inquiring about others when all people wanted to do was talk about him. When his condition worsened, he told me that I should remind everyone who might ask about him that he had led a wonderful life, without regret. Indeed, he had. His life, along with his magnanimity and stoicism in death, serve as lessons in living. It will be tough for many of us to go through our remaining days without his company along the way.
Have a good day,
Glenn
Glenn you always get the core of a topic so authentically and make us stretch us in our mindset.
May your memories of Mike be a blessing for you and others that were loved by and loved him. Xo
Disappears from ‘sight’ may look different than disappearing from heart.