Good morning,
Today marks my father’s 103rd birthday. I remember to honor him each year, despite the fact that he hasn’t been around to celebrate for the last twelve years.
I often ponder the curious relationship of parent and child, and what it takes to successfully navigate the responsibilities of being a “good parent.” It is a job that is foisted upon us for which we are unprepared, despite any number of books or advice of friends and family. We are rank amateurs and we muddle along, doing our best, heeding the advice of well-meaning relatives and helpful “veterans.” We think we are going to somehow master this most important of responsibilities and avoid some of the common pitfalls and challenges, succeeding here and stumbling there. But we try. It is a magical adventure. And just when we may have figured it out, the kids are off to college and their lives as adults. Then they have their own children and muddle along for themselves!
GROWING UP BY RAISING GROWNUPS
From the moment our kids are born, they begin the evolution from dependent children who respond to our rules to adolescents who challenge us to college kids “playing adult” for the first time. But the process is inevitable. We cease being players in their lives and can only be coaches (and even that is circumscribed). This is as it should be, of course. Our job is to make children into adults and prepare them for life as adults. Sometimes, especially when one looks at a photo from years ago, it can be bittersweet to see that they are no longer that cute children who would run to join us in whatever was our latest pursuit or interest. But when we look at them today, as adults, it is mostly sweet. Growing from an idea to a child to a friend—that’s the journey.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Every Father’s Day, I try to recount a few concepts my father imparted to me. They no doubt resemble what you heard from your father. Here are a few:
Be the guy whom people can depend on.
Never lie. A little lie becomes a big lie.
Stay sober (I mean this in the sense of being a serious person, but it also holds true for other things!).
Work hard.
Keep your word.
Pace yourself. Life is a marathon; not a sprint.
Enjoy life and don’t wait until retirement to enjoy the good things in life.
My father came from a poor background and had a father who was not dependable, not faithful, and was not always there (both emotionally and physically). My father would recount the love his father showed for children and dogs—all in equal measure, with no greater love expressed for his own children. He was neither supportive nor dependable. My father vowed to be unlike his father. He achieved that goal. I was lucky to have him, always around, always in my corner, and always on hand for good advice.
My father was burdened by his childhood experience. His challenge was to be different from his father. I have faced the challenge of being more like mine.
Have a great day,
Glenn
From the archives:
Glenn~ Very touching tribute to your father, whom I remember well.
Have forwarded your Musings to Shawn and Ryan. Inspiring food for thought!
All the best,
Sioux