Good morning,
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT… REALLY?
This Musing is long and, with apologies in advance, somewhat indulgent. I’m sending it on a Friday to give you the weekend to think about reading it!
Last week, Andrea and I received the Lifetime Achievement Award from Hillcrest Country Club. One might be surprised to learn that a country club rewards community service, but it’s part of the DNA of a club that values “a charitable heart” over a low golf handicap…
Andrea and I chose to speak about each other. I wanted to focus on three things:
Speak about community service and those who make the system work
Touch on a few ideals and attributes I think important
Talk about all the great work Andrea is doing, particularly with the challenges of mental health
A number of people have suggested that I share my remarks more broadly. I’ve redacted a bit, but here is most of it (emphases and breaks are cues):
MY SPEECH
Andrea, thank you. You delivered that perfectly…exactly as I wrote it!…
When I first learned that Andrea and I were receiving the lifetime achievement award:
At first I was flattered. Then, I thought “how am I going to convince Andrea to get up and accept this award?” Then I thought, “does this mean that we’ve done enough and we’re off the hook? Finally, I wondered “who were the knuckleheads who decided we were old enough to qualify for a lifetime achievement award?” I mean, after all, this award should go to ancient people—like Bob Waldorf!
Because I’m Jewish and, therefore, from a long line of worriers, I immediately called our internist to confirm that he didn’t call the club to instruct them that they had better hurry… Thankfully, we’re in the clear.
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First, I want to congratulate Michael and Theresa Maas for receiving the Magnin Award. That award is, as we know, given to members below-40 years-old for their service. The Magnin award is a great concept in its basic premise—that we recognize people mid-stream in their lives—professional, personal and philanthropic.
It serves as an aspirational reminder to all of our young members that there is work to be done in the world and we expect they will follow in the footsteps of our predecessors in making a difference…
This doesn’t happen by accident. One of my favorite Far Side cartoons is a kid returning from school, holding up a report card to his father. It is covered with Ds and Fs. The kid says, “what do you think, Dad, nature or nurture?” In Mike’s case, whether nature or nurture, his great values come directly from his parents, Frank and Virginia. This nurturing is a central the premise of this club—we hopefully admit the right people and the club nurtures in them the sense of community responsibility for which this club’s members are known…
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We all are invited to many charitable dinners during the year, many times honoring friends and fellow Hillcrest members. These are wonderful events that highlight important organizations doing great work… Tonight it’s different. There is no charity being celebrated tonight—just a club and its ideals.
Many clubs in America would find this whole exercise quite odd and out of character a club’s “job description.” Indeed, a friend from Chicago, upon hearing of this award asked, “what’s a lifetime achievement” at a country club? Ordering the most food?
The Hillcrest awards are not really about the honorees, per se. Rather, these awards are about reaffirmation of an idea that we hold dear—that a group of people come together to remind ourselves of what is important to us, acknowledge the work that is being done—and needs to be done—and to recommit ourselves to go back into the world and do more.
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Much as I love a microphone and much as I’m tempted to talk about myself, I’m going to talk about people other than myself. In doing so, I’m going to give you four definitions to ponder.
The first is “mensch.” To be a mensch, literally, is to be a person—a human. How fitting that, among the greatest compliments we can bestow on someone is that they are a “mensch”—that they possess humanity. But that definition serves reflexively to highlight the common usage of the word: “a person of integrity or honor.”
Many of you have heard my stories of Bill and Jessica. I was raised by menschen who were great role models. They taught me how to live a meaningful life. I think of their lessons every day.
Most of the people in this rooms are models of what it is to be mensch. This place is all about active engagement in the community and the contribution of time, treasure, and talent. When we consider new members, we are looking for menschen—unique among clubs for the expectation that they are actively engaged in the Jewish quest of tikkun olam—repair of the world. The most often asked question in the Hillcrest Admissions committee is “Does this person have a charitable heart?”
As I look around this room, I see many menschen with charitable hearts. Andrea and I have attended events honoring many of you for so the wonderful work that you do. Sometimes it’s tough just keeping up with it all. Some are honored more than others… I fully expect that when we go home this evening, I’m going to find two invitations in the mail for events honoring Lynn and Les Bider.
But seriously, the world works because people make things happen—people like Rick Powell, who’s chaired every committee he’s ever been on. Or the Paul family’s long-time support of JVS. Or the Davidson/Farkas family, celebrating three generations of leadership of Wayfinder Family Services. Or Les Bider with the Joint Distribution Committee and Ukraine relief. Or Albert Praw, chair of the Federation. Or the Cobens, the Waldorfs, the Eshmans, and other prior honorees. Or Steve Fishman, who single-handedly demonstrates the interconnectedness of our community service organizations by sitting on, as best as I can tell, all of their boards.
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That inter-connectedness leads to my second word—ecosystem. In biology, it is a system of organisms and the related physical environment that interact with each other. But the word ecosystem also describes society—our community. We are all part of a larger ecosystem. If COVID taught us anything, it’s that if one part of the ecosystem is unwell, the rest of the ecosystem shares in the illness.
The work we volunteers do pales in comparison to those leaders in our community who have dedicated their careers to making the world a better place. Our ecosystem depends upon the work of professional menschen in the ecosystem of LA. Like Martine Singer, the CEO of the Children’s Institute—a Yale MBA who chooses to address real childhood trauma in underserved communities, rather than deal with childish behaviors on Wall Street.
This community-wide ecosystem includes our Jewish communal ecosystem—with leaders like Jay Sanderson, former long-time CEO of the Federation, and current CEO Rabbi Noah Farkas. On that note, I’m still not sure why one would trade the independence of the pulpit, where one theoretically can say whatever one thinks, for a board of directors consisting of 50 Jews, each of whom is prepared to tell you exactly what you should think. And, of course, there are my two rabbi buddies, Yoshi Zweiback and Ron Stern (only one half of the Sobelman-Stern “power couple”), extraordinary leaders in our community, who no doubt are cringing at the thought I might now tell a rabbi joke. Maybe later…
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This brings me to my thoughts on the person who deserves this award far more than I, my bride, Andrea. Most of you know that, with Ron Stern, Andrea co-founded Wise Readers to Leaders, which has served thousands of underserved elementary school students and has employed hundreds of Jewish teenagers in service learning. She has been chairing USC Hillel, which is at the frontline both of standing against antisemitism and becoming the “go to” source of wellness programming on campus. To see the pictures of Andrea with some of the thousands of kids whose life she has touched—whether through Readers to Leaders or the PTA or at Hillel—is to witness unlimited, unconditional love. It is one thing to love your children; it is quite another to love kids with whom you have little connection but whom she refers to as “our kids.”
There is a saying that “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It’s trite yet true and it is the credo of the stoics. This is the third word for this evening. Stoicism has gotten a bad rap. The common assumption is that to be stoic is to be unfeeling or to be lacking in energy or emotion. Actually, the opposite is true. At its most basic, stoicism has two basic tenets—
The first, is to bear pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.
The second aspect of that definition is that stoics are driven to action, rather than self-pity or rumination. Stoicism teaches that we must take that which is painful, and gather the strength and discipline to use that challenge to move forward PRODUCTIVELY.
Andrea is a stoic.
Most of you know that we lost our son, Bradley, nearly five years ago. People say they can’t imagine what it’s like and it is the worst thing that could ever happen. They’re right. You can’t and it is. This isn’t something I talk about much… Not that I don’t think about it all the time but it puts people ill at ease and, well, what can I do?
Today, I’m sharing because of what I’m about to say. To lose a child is to suffer inconsolable grief. 80% of marriages don’t survive such an event. Stories abound of people never recovering. Thankfully, we are not among them. We are stronger and we are thriving—in no small measure because of Andrea’s efforts. Andrea’s response to this tragedy was the decision to lower a shoulder and plow forward. She has endured her pain and she has transmorphed it into things that are wonderful—initially as a soloist singing at our Temple’s services and later through works in the community.
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Which brings me to the final vocabulary word I want to share with you. That word is awe.
We use the word “awe” far too much these days. “That movie was awesome.” “I read an awesome book.” “That last ski run was awesome.” Tony’s latest joke was awesome. But this over-usage diminishes the word. The definition of “awesome” is “to hold something in awe or reverence.” By that definition, I am in awe of my wife.
Many of us have served on a variety of boards and volunteered in various capacities at our children’s schools, or serving meals on skid row. And all that work is important. But few of us have built something from whole cloth. Andrea has done this multiple times. Her passion for service that began with Readers to Leaders 12 years ago has accelerated into a flurry of activity—all out of her office upstairs that I call “mission control.” If you wonder about our family and how we began working remotely during COVID, Andrea has a fully-outfitted office upstairs… and I have the dining room table!
Andrea has taken the worst of all lemons and turned them into a veritable feast of activity. In these past five years:
Andrea has become an advocate for addressing the mental health crisis among teens and college-age students, speaking to dozens of organizations—including the upcoming International Lion of Judah conference in Phoenix
Andrea concluded that high school kids and college students aren’t offered a great understanding of mental health challenges, particularly after covid. So has developed a curriculum for mental health awareness that is being rolled out by Hillels on college campuses and and high schools around the country
Andrea feels that those who suffer from depression or loneliness aren’t afforded role models and road maps for how to navigate life with these challenges. So she created a podcast, in which she interviews 20-somethings who have suffered from mental health challenges—anorexia, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, suicidal attempts, and depression—and having lived through and learned to deal with these challenges. It is aptly called “Getting Thru.”
Then Andrea decided even the youngest kids aren’t being shown models of compassion and understanding at an age where “ideas stick” and behaviors are formed. So Andrea has written children’s book being published shortly. It targets Kindergarten and first grade students. In that book, characters in the form of animals learn to deal with a kid who is sad because of depression in the same way as they address the needs of their friends with physical illness.
In the meantime, Andrea is writing a book in which she will share our journey through the ups and downs of dealing with a family member with mental illness. She will be addressing the challenges, the medical answers (and lack of answers) and the available therapies, which will empower readers to know they’re not alone, nor are they powerless.
I am in awe of the work of my wife. She is motivated, energized, and working 24/7 to try to make the world a better place. She is worthy of the word. I am in awe.
Andrea is a mensch. She has become an essential part of our community’s ecosystem of service. She is a doer—a stoic. Finally, she is worthy of awe. It takes a special kind of person to do what you do. Your love of children, the Jewish people, the underserved in our community, and our family, are exemplary. Brad would be proud. We all are proud.
Have a great weekend,
Glenn
From the archives:
Congratulations to two very deserving people! Thank you for sharing this. Yes, Brad would be proud! ❤️