#379 Musings Beyond the Bunker (Thursday June 16)
Good morning,
I’ve commented over these past two-plus years about how Sonnenbergs have a strong dose of stoicism in their fundamental makeup. My sister and I were raised to roll with the punches—to accept life for what it delivers—both good and bad. Complaining was not a valued attribute in our family. Dealing with problems as they were presented was what we were taught.
In a January 31 column in The New Yorker, Ivy Knight describes how the comedian Scott Thompson came to adopt Stoicism, when he heard Epictetus, the father of stoicism saying (so he remembers), “We all have to die, but do we have to die bawling?”
Stoicism, founded around 300 BCE, the philosophy of Seneca and Marcus Aurelius, is making a comeback. In 2020, sales of Seneca’s “Letters From a Stoic” were up 350%. Perhaps there is a relationship between an inexplicable pandemic and its relentless march that was difficult to slow (remember, at the time there was no vaccine) and the acceptance of what life deals us.
Notwithstanding a rise in its study, Stoicism often has been given a bad name. People associate stoicism with an almost numb indifference to trauma—a complete lack of feeling or emotion. Actually, the opposite is true. Stoics often harbor deep emotions but have learned to direct it away from unproductive behaviors, accept the inevitability of certain situations, and funnel feelings toward more productive pursuits.
The four basic tenets of Stoicism are:
Prudence
Justice
Fortitude
Temperance
Another way of saying this might be, “suck it up, deal with it, try to be fair, and pursue all things in moderation.”
Epictetus basically say there are things in our control and things not in our control:
“That alone is in our power, which is our own work; and in this class are our opinions, impulses, desires, and aversions. On the contrary, what is not in our power, are our bodies, possessions, glory, and power. Any delusion on this point leads to the greatest errors, misfortunes, and troubles, and to the slavery of the soul. We have no power over external things, and the good that ought to be the object of our earnest pursuit, is to be found only within ourselves.”
Thompson summarizes his view of Stoicism thus: “Epictetus would say you don’t own anything, not your home, not your clothes, not even the people you love. It’s all temporary. The only road to true happiness is owning what you say.”
Take what life gives you. Deal with it fairly, calmly, with strength and thoughtfulness. Don’t complain. Play the long game. Do your best.
But most important of all, live a life of virtue. Stoicism ain’t so bad.
NONPROFITS—HOW TO START THE CONVERSATION
We live in times when people are apt to say almost anything that comes into their heads without considering the effect on others and when people hear in the words of others more than what was intended. We seem unwilling to consider the feelings others may have when we speak. At the same time, people often overreact to what was said because they don’t give the speaker the benefit of the doubt. I have seen some of this in sitting on nonprofit boards. One CEO came up with a list of introductory comments that she uses at the beginning of each meeting. I’ve heard similar admonitions in other contexts. I combined these into a single list that I like a lot. Appreciation to Meghan Pressman for a number of these:
Assume that all people in this meeting are of good faith and their comments come from a good place.
Show respect to all fellow board members., including respect for their time, the agenda, and their opinions.
Ask clarifying questions if something is not clear to you.
Listen carefully. Agree to disagree, but do not disengage.
Allow for discomfort.
Move through conversations with compassion and curiosity.
Recognize the difference between intent and impact.
Be mindful of power dynamics.
Be present. Take care of yourself.
Have a good day,
Glenn
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