#106 Musings Beyond the Bunker (Monday August 2)
“Hi, beautiful!”
With these words, a janitor at a nonprofit facility found himself under attack. It seems like something as innocuous as declaring someone looks good “makes me uncomfortable.” It seems that the snowflakes of the Millennial Generation are made uncomfortable by the mere mention that they may actually look more attractive than the norm—at least that day. Quick! Call Human Resources. Discuss with the perpetrator. Open a file note. Issue a stern warning! Call out the cavalry! Someone clearly not in a position of authority and without leverage made a seemingly innocent and passing comment, without any other advance, attack, offer, or statement. But with a statement that seemed harmless, the wheels of the penalty culture began to turn, forever coloring interactions within the context of that business and forever serving as a mark in the employee’s personnel file.
What is most troubling is that we are sexualizing every acknowledgement of beauty, every handshake or hug, any touching of any kind. It is possible that a hug can be just that—evidence of warmth, camaraderie, or friendship? I hug many of my male friends and I can assure you that there is nothing sexual in that. It is possible that telling someone they’re beautiful or they look good today is simply a kind human way to make someone else feel good. It is sad that many rush to the judgment that the speaker has nefarious purpose. And so, with that singular statement, absent any other untoward behavior, the person being complimented feels “uncomfortable.” And the source of that “discomfort” must be dealt with immediately and harshly.
Sigrid Nunez, writer of the National Book Award Winning The Friend, has the following passage in her new novel, What Are You Going Ghrough:
“A construction worker on-site accidentally backs into a woman on the sidewalk and says, Sorry. She snarls something I don’t catch and he responds, I said sorry. She gives him the finger and keeps walking. He calls after her: I said sorry! Without turning around she screams, It’s too fucking late to be sorry. Fine, he screams. I take it back. I’m not fucking sorry. What a mess.”
We have raised an entire generation to sit on a hair-trigger to declare any wrong move or misstatement, to sexualize any physical act, and to “feel uncomfortable” at the drop of a hat. And, even if uncomfortable, not everything in life is comfortable. Sometimes it’s awkward. It even might offend, but it often comes from a place of innocence, kindness, or just error. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up and be just a tiny bit uncomfortable, in the name of tolerance and maintaining a civil and just work environment…
…and sometimes the person is sorry.
We should begin any analysis of a situation by assuming the best in others, rather than the worst…
Best,
Glenn
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