#1048 Musings Beyond the Bunker (Monday January 6)
Good morning,
TRYING TO WIN WHEN UNDERSTANDING IS WHAT’S NEEDED
Being right or “winning” a debate is not always a victory. Take this tale of trying to win a debate but falling short of the greater objective. I recall it like it was yesterday:
I was at a party long before I met Andrea, At the party, I met a woman at a party whom I found interesting, intelligent, and attractive. As the conversation progressed, she made a few comments that I adjudged as ill-informed and preposterous. Rather than trying to understand where she was coming from, or attempting to find common ground, I instead pounced on her flawed arguments. I was neither patient, nor understanding. A friend of mine was standing by and commented, “Congratulations, you showed her! You really won that debate. But I don’t think you achieved your desired result.” So true—what self-respecting woman would want to continue speaking to a jerk who was so cavalierly unwilling to engage in constructive dialog?
What’s the lesson here? Instead of attacking someone else whose opinions differ from one’s own, it probably makes more sense first to actually listen to what the other person is saying, consider that it comes from good intention, and consider the underlying justification for the person’s position. Then, it might make sense to ask questions and seek a greater level of understanding. Then it might make sense to accept some of the underlying premises for the point of view and attempt to seek common ground.
We teach middle school debaters that most issues have two (or more) sides. We encourage them to do research, learn the arguments on both sides, understand that there are places of legitimate disagreement, and exercise respect in debate. These principles find few adherents on the Internet or in Congress.
There is another phenomenon that is problematic—willingly submitting oneself to confirmation bias. Too often, people find comfort in reading only those sources that continue to espouse the same positions as the reader. There is little in the way of self-reflection or considering other sources. Indeed, it is this desire to always be told that one is always right that helps fuel the algorithms employed by social media.
I find too often that my conservative friends restrict themselves to The Wall Street Journal and similar right-leaning publications, while my more liberal friends limit their reading to The New Republic and other left-wing publications. Rarely do any of them take the time, or adopt the open mind, to consider the points of view of the other. Curiously and tellingly, both deem The New York Times as too far on the other side to be worth reading. While I’ll acknowledge the NYT’s left-of-center bent, I think few in the vast middle where I suspect most of us reside would consider it the tool of the radical right or the radical left. But people adhere to their biases with religious conviction, making meaningful debate difficult.
If we can teach children to consider other points of view, in a sport where there is a winner and a loser in each round, perhaps there is hope for adults as well. In our personal interactions and political negotiation, we shouldn’t be trying to “win,” as much as to understand and work toward achieving compromises that are acceptable (even if begrudgingly) to all sides. I’m going to say more about this in a coming Musing. In the meantime, I was moved the other day by a friend who is right of center, summarizing his conversations with a mutual friend who is left of center:
“We come from different cities, but we generally end up in the same neighborhood.”
Perhaps we should take a page from my friend’s playbook. I suspect that, despite what the politicians, pundits, and media have to say, and other than the most extreme elements on the far side of the political spectrum, if we took the time to listen and pause before responding, we might find that we all live in the same neighborhood.
MISSING THE POINT
Democrats have historically prevailed over Republicans on the issue of who is to be trusted on issues of education (by an astounding 80% to 20% split). The status of our educational system is an issue that touches on most people, so it should be a place where the Democrats should gain ground with voters. With all the talk of censorship in schools, trying to whitewash history, the introduction of religion into the classrooms, and questions of slipping educational metrics, one would think there would be a lot to talk about. But the focus of educational issues this cycle was not about what is taught in classes. Rather, Democrats harped on preaching gender fluidity, who gets to use which bathrooms, and who gets to compete in women’s sports. Voters seemed to tire of the focus on gender issues, coupled with memories of Blue state governors unwilling to open schools after COVID, despite educational and social effects on their children. The problem the Democrats faced as they lost their primacy on educational issues was summed up by one commentator as “focusing on opening up the bathrooms but closing down the schools.”
ANOTHER FORM OF SOLSTICE
Last Saturday, I received this notice:
“You know what today is, Countdowners! It's the baseball solstice, halfway between the last out of the World Series and the first pitch of Spring Training!”
For me, I’ll rarely turn down an invitation to a basketball or hockey game, but the sports I follow for the season are baseball and college football. As such, the truly dark days are from the end of the college football championship (January 20th) until the beginning of Spring Training (the last week of February). Perhaps I will be able to get a few more books in during that time…!
It’s only 50 days until Spring Training!
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
I’m a big fan of sarcastic humorous songs. I meant earlier to send this Allan Sherman classic rendition of the “Twelve Days of Christmas,” modernized to the 1960s, celebrating the absurdity of gifts and their likely return:
Have a great week,
Glenn