#1041 Musings Beyond the Bunker (Friday December 20)

Good morning,

Much like the magical heavenly events of a solstice or a syzygy, this year the holidays of Christmas and Hanukkah align. Hanukkah will begin the evening of December 25^th. With the coming of the holidays comes more feasting and celebrating with family and friends.

As I was contemplating getting together with friends over the holidays, I recognize this will not be easy for some. We remain highly politicized, and the recent Trump nominations for high office certainly do not help tamp-down the flames. So what is one to do when confronted by friends and loved ones who hold views that are anathema—perhaps deeply morally offensive—to one’s sensibilities? How about starting the conversation with non-political topics of curiosity and/or levity? And while one is at it, perhaps it is best to establish a “no fly zone” on certain topics.

TOPICS TO DISCUSS

I read a great article by Tayla Zaks, from the Forward, recommending subjects that one can discuss around the dinner table instead of politics and world affairs (either here or in the Middle East). Here are a few of her favorites:

1) How great was Wicked Part 1?

2) Why are pumpkin desserts always disappointing?

3) What are the most alarming things a toddler has ever said to you?

4) How much do houses weigh? What about trees?

5) Which song in Wicked contains the most Talmudic wisdom?

6) Was making Paddington 3 a mistake?

7) If the air is heavy, how come it doesn’t feel heavy?

8) What is a place you regularly go where you would be horrified to run into anyone you know?

Ranker (a site that conducts unscientific studies) suggests three these topics that might find some common ground at holiday gatherings: Healthcare reform, government inefficiency, and education. While most people can agree on the importance of addressing these topics, there may well arise different views on how to address those topics. But it’s worth a try.

JUST DON’T GO THERE

Ranker also polled its users and divided them by age group, trying to find those topics that are the “hot button” topics for that generation—with respect to which there may be no way to calmly discuss the topic. The following are those topics, which they say one should just “not get them started on”:

Boomers

• Terrorism

• Immigration

• Moral decline

Generation X

• Homelessness

• Affordable housing

• Campaign finance reform

Millennials

• Abortion

• Police brutality

• Pollution

I disagree. I think most of these issues can lend themselves to productive, respectful, debate at a holiday gatherings; provided there is more listening than talking, no lecturing, respectful follow-up questions, and an attempt to find places of agreement. And as I look at this list, I don’t see issues that shouldn’t be discussed—instead I see a list of issues that must be discussed around our dinner tables, in our public forums, in the halls of Congress, and in our state legislatures.

As for Generations Z and Alpha, I think they couldn’t get them to look up from their social media feeds long enough to even answer the question…!

ASSUMING GOOD INTENT

Much has been written recently about how many tend to characterize those who disagree with them as not simply wrong or misguided, but as evil. I have always believed that in any policy disagreement, there are at least a few points upon which the parties can find common ground, and that rarely is someone of ill-intent or bad faith.

Howard Heitner reminded me the other day about a mind-set that can help improve our polarized and poisonous political environment, as well as our personal relationships. It all begins with believing in each other’s good intent. Here’s what Howard said:

“About 8-10 years ago, I was reading Forbes, if I remember correctly, and there was an article on what five CEOs said was the best advice they have ever received. The then head of Pepsi, Indra Nooyi, said it was given by her father and I thought this was going to be hokey. But, she said her father's advice was "assume positive intent…” If you assume someone is asking or doing something with positive intent, you will truly listen and try to understand, even if you say no. This changed my outlook and was the advice I often gave subordinates. An example you may appreciate: if someone asks for an extra five days before a late fee kicks in, it could be because the idea of being late and having a bad credit is anathema to him or her (positive intent) or because s/he is a deadbeat and wants to pay five days late every month (negative intent).

In these turbulent times…when lots of change is on the horizon, perhaps we need a bit more of assuming positive intent (is Trump really wanting more efficiency in the government or is his goal the total disbanding of it) and less of assuming negative intent.”

Agreed. After all, isn’t this the season of “peace on Earth and goodwill toward man.”

Have a great day,

Glenn